Dating With Purpose!!! -- #TheList

I am a firm believer that in every aspect of your life, you should without a doubt have expectations and standards you uphold. By doing this, you don’t  settle for whatever comes your way, but rather, you choose what aligns with what you deem fit for yourself. I have applied this rule of thumb to my dating life. Most times, people do not have a clear idea of what they want and this leads to confusion and unnecessary disappointments. One of the many pieces of advice my mother gave me at a young age was that I should create a list of all the qualities I want in a man. So I made a list! The basic foundations of my list have remained the same, however, as I have grown and matured, I have tweaked it  along the way.

Now, my list is not because I am looking for a perfect man. It is me not only being more self aware but also aware that I want a Godly & progressive man who is intentional about his growth, which in turn translates to our growth as a couple. So I want to share it with you!

Please note: This is MY list and you may or may not have the same preferences as I do. I just thought it'd be fun to share it with you.  

Strong, Intimate Relationship with God

This is of course this the number one and is a necessity. I’m not looking to be unequally yoked in these streets. My man has to be there already with God. Everyday we hear “does she pray for you” BUT “does HE pray for you?” I always wanted a man who will combat the enemy with me and for me. And someone who is able to pick me up if having a down moment & vise versa. Nothing too one sided, you know.

Educated, Goal Oriented and Ambitious

This does not mean he has to be college educated per se, but does he pursue knowledge and learn on the daily. Is he goal oriented and investing in his passions & gifts? I would like to consider myself a go-getter and want someone who is on fire for success as well. We all have goals but what are you doing to get there? I am a traditional bible based believer that the man is the leader of the home, so I would want someone I can trust to take that on. A man who will push me towards my goals and push HIMSELF.

Financially Stable/ Secured Career

Financially stable to take on the responsibilities that come with having a big family (because your girl wants about five kids lol). Someone who isn’t running in circles trying to figure out what he wants to do but rather, one whose path is being directed by God (Proverbs 3:6).

Emotionally Connected and Romantic/ Affectionate

I am not a touchy-feely person with friends & family, however, in relationships I'm the opposite. LOVE ME & SHOW IT. I want someone who appreciates and understands the act of romantic gestures and paying attention to the small things!


When it comes to the kind of men I'm attracted to, I want a manly-man, okkurrr! A MAN-T! He should be the type to wants to take control! Do y'all remember the scene in ‘A Different World’ when Dwayne called out Whitley and said he'd drop her like a bad habit and she ran to him and said “I love it when you take charge daddy” (season 5, episode 8) That's what I mean, haha. And it makes sense that I want that, because growing up I saw my dad do the exact same with my mother.

Not Easily Angered

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” James 1:19-20. It is important to me that my man isn't one controlled by anger. Anger leads to a whole slew of other problems I don't want to deal with. Even the Bible says to steer clear of anger and with good reason.

Open Minded

A man who isn't open to change and different perspectives shows a root issue of pride. I want a man who strives to understand the various ways people act without dismissing emotions and reasoning. A dismissive, authoritarian man is a NO NO and a major red flag for me.

Family Oriented

Everyone who knows me, knows that family is very important to me. I love my parents, my brother and my entire extended family. I grew up in a close knit family and I want that for myself and my future children. A man who isn't family oriented or doesn't desire to have kids is non negotiable.


I hope my list gave you more insight into what I specifically look for in a partner. And though I spoke solely about what I, myself  look for in a man, I think it is important to note that it's not just about the other person being their best self but me working on myself as well. Most often than not we see people ask for all these specifics from their partner but do not measure up in that way. What do you bring to the table? Are you growing? Are you getting counsel from God as well?

If you've never created a list, I urge you try it and see how it goes. And if you've created a list, do we have similar characteristics in what we want? If you want, share your lists in the comment section!

To hear more, Check out the full video!



FaithJaLisa Vaughn